Reach – by Andy Molinsky

‘A new strategy to help you step outside your comfort zone, rise to the challenge, and build confidence’ – Reach

A lot of magic seems to happen outside of our comfort zone. We all need to do things that we don’t like doing, and we all need to be prepared to step up and grab opportunities when they are presented. But most people struggle to do things that test their limits. There are five challenges we face when stepping outside our comfort zone: authenticity, likeability, competence, resentment, and morality. But there are three resources we can use to help us build confidence and rise to the challenge: conviction, customization, and clarity.

Reach (dot point) Summary

Intro

• Conflict avoidant managers need to embrace conflict
• Timit entrepreneurs need to pitch and promote themselves and ideas
• Introverts need to network
• Self-conscious executives need to deliver speeches
• People pleases need to deliver bad news
• The goal of the book is to give you tips and tools to take that leap, reach outside your comfort zone and do it in an authentic way
• We all have a comfort zone, a place where we feel comfortable and at ease – but stretching outside the comfort zone is critical in many cases for achieving our goals / to get where the magic happens
• Andy was afraid of saying anything in class – therefore ended choosing mostly lecture style courses

Part 1 The Challenge of Reaching Outside Your Comfort Zone

• We are quite creative at finding ways to avoid uncomfortable tasks

Chapter 1 – Why reaching outside your comfort zone is so hard

1. Authenticity challenge – this isn’t me at all

• In today’s professional environment we are assuming new roles and responsibilities at a dizzying rate… In order to catch up, we need to reinvent ourselves on the fly
• This feeling is that the type of behavior conflicts with your being at your core

Ii) The Likeability challenge: People won’t like this version of me

• Afraid of confrontation, terrified they will hate you after

Iii) Competence challenge – people can tell I am not good at this

• Imposter syndrome, fear of being found out

Iv) The resentment challenge

• You dislike it or them

1. Morality challenge

• Firing someone

Chapter 2 – Our amazing capacity to avoid

• We see bear or lion and run from the lion – which is good
• The problem comes when you apply the same flight or high reaction to situations that aren’t life-threatening, like a new role at work

1. Full of avoidance

• Avoid the person getting a glass of water at the water cooler

2. Do the task partway – and not so well

• Instead of giving a speech to your employees you post to FB
• Going to a networking event and just sitting at the bar

3. Procrastination
4. Pass the buck

• Someone else is performing the task you should be doing

The viscous cycle of avoidance

• Negative feedback loop – you start constructing your work life to avoid the tasks that are  really important
• It pays immediate dividends

Part 2 – How to successfully reach outside your comfort zone

1. Conviction: The critical importance of having a deep sense of purpose

• If there is no justifiable reason to act outside your comfort zone then you won’t do it
• Gain has to be worth the pain
• Conviction is the deep belief in the purpose of what you’re doing – that is this purpose is legitimate and valid and worth enduring  strain or stress to achieve

Chapter 4: Customization Finding your own personal way of performing the task

• If you are terrified of speaking in meetings because they are derogatory use your own style
• Or sit next to the client who always asks quiet questions

Chapter 5: The power of honest perspective

• Clarity as an antidote to avoidance

Being aware of the fact that you are avoiding and it is perfectly functional and acceptable

This is an antidote to the defenses we put up

Clarity is the ability to normalize your reactions and perceptions of a situation so that distorted thinking doesn’t sabotage your behavior

• Referring to yourself in the third person boosts clarity

Chapter 6: The surprising benefits of taking a leap

• Incredibly powerful effect of simply giving it a try
• You will be surprised by what’s on the other side of the threshold
• Positive feedback loop – easier to make the leap next time
• A cycle of learning, growth, and experimentation

Discovery 1 – this isn’t so bad after all

Discovery 2 – I can do this

• Self-efficacy goes up

Part 3 How to make your new behavior stick

Chapter 7 Building resilience

Resource 1: A thoughtful and effective practice routine

• Go for a just right challenge
• Create force mechanisms to avoid avoidance

Richard Branson

• “IF someone offers you an amazing opportunity, but you aren’t sure you can do it. Say yes and learn how later!”

Resource 2 A mindset that supports learning and experimentation

• Carol Dweck
• Notice and appreciate small wins

Resource 3 – a healthy support system

Chapter 8 – Myths and realities

• It can be better to stay at your comfort level, for example, if someone is better for the task

Part 4 Practical tools applying reach to your own life

• Speak up at meeting
• Promote yourself during the conference
• Making small talk at the water cooler
• Giving negative feedback
• Asking for help
• Having a difficult conversation