Dare to Lead – by Brene Brown

‘Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts’

Brene Brown boldly calls for braver bolder leaders to pass on a better world for our children. But typically cultures are held back by an inability to lean into vulnerability – we avoid tough conversations, lack connection and empathy and avoid risks. Daring Leadership is the antidote to these issues.

In this episode we discuss:

– the call to courage

– avoidance of the armoury, and

– shame and empathy

We’ve also previously reviewed another of Brene Brown’s books, Daring Greatly.

Check out our Top 50 Best Books of All Time: www.whatyouwilllearn.com/top50

Grab a copy of Dare to Lead here: https://www.bookdepository.com/Dare-Lead-Brene-Brown/9781785042140/?a_aid=adamsbooks

This episode is sponsored by Blinkist, for your free 7 day trial head to: www.blinkist.com/whatyouwilllearn

A ‘leader’, in Brene Brown’s definition, is:

” Anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential”

This book is an extension of her work “Daring Greatly” and “The Gifts of Imperfection”, repackaging her ideas to develop work cultures of brave leaders.

The 6 issues of work cultures today

1. We avoid tough conversations, including giving honest, productive feedback.  Some leaders say it’s a lack of courage, most say it’s because the cultural norm of ‘nice and polite – which is leveraged as an excuse to avoid tough conversations

 2. Rather than spending time proactively acknowledging and addressing the fears and feelings that show up during change and upheaval, we spend an unreasonable amount of time managing problematic behaviors

 3. Diminishing trust caused by a lack of connection and empathy

  4. Not enough people are taking smart risks or creating and sharing bold ideas to meet challenging demand and the insatiable need for innovation

5. Too much shame and blame, not enough accountability and learning

 6. People are opting out of vital conversations because they don’t want to look wrong Etc

The solution to these is Daring Leadership – in 3 parts of the book.

1. You can’t get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability.

Embrace the suck  – At the heart of daring leadership is a deeply human truth that courage and fear are not mutually exclusive

Most of us feel brave and afraid at the exact same time. During those in the arena moments, we’re pulled between fear and our call to courage

A rumble:  – Is a discussion, conversation, or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability, to stay curious and generous, to stick with the messy middle of problem identification and solving

2: Self-awareness and self love matter.

Who we are is how we lead  –  the true underlying obstacle to brave leadership is how we respond to our fear. The real barrier to daring leadership is our armor – thoughts, emotions and behaviours that we use to protect ourselves

3: Courage is contagious.

To scale daring leadership, we need a culture with brave work, tough conversations, and whole hearts – and armor isn’t necessary or rewarded.

Daring leaders must care for and be connected to the people they lead If you’re organisation is rewarding blaming, shaming, cynicism, perfectionism, emotional stoicism, we can’t expect innovative work

Rumbling with Vulnerability

All of Brene’s work is deeply influenced by Theodore Roosevelts speech, “Citizen in a Republic”

  “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again Because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause Who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, he fails daring greatly”

To walk in the arena we need to embrace vulnerability

Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging, it’s being all in  Vulnerability is not weakness and the emotional exposure we face every day are not optional.  Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to engage with our vulnerability determines our depth of courage and the clarity of purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection

How to embrace Daring Leadership?

1 – TAKE THE CALL TO COURAGE

Be clear. Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind

Feeding people half truths or bullshit to make them feel better (which is always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind Not getting clear with your colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind

• facing fear

Joseph Campbell – “the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek”

Treasure Hunting   Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to the fears and feelings, or squander amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior

2 – AVOID THE ARMORY

“As children we found ways to protect ourselves from vulnerability, from being hurt, diminished and disappointed. When we put on amour, we use our thoughts, emotions and behaviors as weapons, and we learn to make ourselves scarce and disappear

Now as adults we realize to live without courage, purpose and connection – to be the person who we long to be – we must again be vulnerable.

Perfectionism is the most popular tool from the armoury.

When we spend our lives waiting until we are bullet proof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice our relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn back on our gifts, those contributions that only we can make Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience.

We must walk in the arena, what ever that may be. A new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, a family conversation, with courage and willingness to engage

Numbing is the second

The shield: Numbing Most numbing strategy is what people call “crazy busy” We are a culture who has bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won’t catch up with us

3.  Shame and empathy

Difference between shame and guilt Guilt:

Guilt = I did something bad Shame = I am bad  “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging”  Shame is hard to talk about because

Shame is the feeling that washes over us and makes us feel so flawed that we question whether we’re worthy of love, belonging and connection It’s such a powerful experience and so debilitating…

Shame is often referred to as “the master” emotion by researchers – it is the not good enough emotion Its power to make us feel we’re not worthy of connection, belonging or even love is unmatched in the realm of emotion

Shame is

• Covering up a mistake at work and getting caught

•  Failing at my business after friends invested in it
• Hiding my addiction Being proud of your project, then the boss not being happy with it

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