13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do – by Amy Morin

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do initially started as a blog post that went viral. Now, Amy Morin has fleshed out this list with stories, checklists, and practical strategies that everyone can use to assess their lives and improve their mental strength. It’s a very tactical and actionable book that goes through things like control, worry, risks, success, failure, alone time, people pleasing, and power.

‘Take back power, embrace change, face your fears & train your brain for happiness & success’

This episode is our summary of the 13 Things, and the next episode will be our conversation with the author, Amy Morin.

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do (dot point) Summary

Take back your power, embrace change, face your fears and train your brain for happiness and success

• Create opportunities for growth but understand you’ll never be perfect

1. They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves

“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from the reality”

Example: Car backs into the rear bumper of two cars

Driver 1: Just what I needed, why do all these things happen to me

Driver 2 L So lucky no one got hurt

• Stops you taking responsibility for your actions
• It’s a waste of time
• It leads to more negative emotions
• Can become a self-fulfilling prophecy (self-pity is a pitiful life)
• Prevents you from dealing with other emotions
• It causes you to overlook the good in your life

2. They don’t give away their power

• Do not let other people control the way you think about yourself
• Don’t change your goals based on other people

Madonna got a letter saying the only thing missing was the material…. If she gave away her power that would be it

Everyone has an opinion, but successful people do not let that opinion define them

How to fix? Recognise you have a choice with everything

3. They don’t shy away from change

“It’s not that some have willpower and others don’t. It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not”

Why its bad

• Staying the same means getting stuck in a rut
• You won’t learn new things
• Your life may not get better
• You won’t challenge yourself to develop better habits
• Other people will outgrow you
• Longer you wait the harder it gets

How to:

Create a list of pros and cons of the change

4. They don’t focus on things they can’t control

You can’t control your luggage once with the airline

News

5. They don’t worry about pleasing everyone

“Care about what others think and you will always be their prisoner” Lao Tzu

Most people think that people pleasing is generous. It’s actually self-centered. It assumes everyone cares about your every move. It also assumes you think you have the power to control how others feel

• Determine who you want to please to achieve your goals
• Clarify your values
• Take your time before saying yes or no
• Practice tolerating the discomfort for saying no or express your true feeling

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

“Don’t be too squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better”

• We base our decisions on emotion instead of logic. Think more of the logic and it will be easier taking the calculated risk
• Monitor the outcome of the risks you take
• Success won’t find you. You have to pursue it. Stepping into the unknown and taking carefully calculated risks can help you fulfill your goals

7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

• You miss out on the present
• Interferes with decision making
• Doesn’t solve anything
• Leads to depression
• Can make you exaggerate

8. They don’t make the same mistakes over and over

• Research shows your retention rates are normally greater after making a mistake as opposed to just being told the answer
• View your mistakes not as a negative but as an opportunity to improve yourself
• Most effective people actually share their mistakes

9. They Don’t Resent Other Peoples Success

“Resent is like drinking poison and thinking it will kill your enemies” – Nelson Mandela

Jealousy is: I want what you have

Resentment: I want what you have but not for you to have it

• When you are happy for other people, you will attract and not repel successful people

10. They don’t give up after their first failure

• You never heard of the electric pen or ghost machine (Edison)
• Each failure let him learn a bit more

11. They don’t fear alone time

• Learn meditation
• Mindfulness teaches you to accept thoughts whatever they are at the moment.
• Mindfulness helps you get into the zone
• Can help you recognize what’s holding you back

12. They don’t feel the world owes them anything

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing, it was here first”

• The focus on helping kids develop self-esteem has gone overboard
• Don’t wait as if the world is going to give you something

13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

• Delayed gratification (investing)