Presence – by Amy Cuddy

We want to perform our best in a job interview, but if we’re constantly thinking ‘I’m in a job interview’, then we won’t be our best selves. Having presence is about being present – having the comfort, confidence and self-assured enthusiasm to stop the constant inner monologue and feel powerful and self-assured.

Presence Summary

Presence stems from believing and trusting in yourself – your real honest feelings, values and abilities. Whether we are talking in front of 2 people or 5000, interviewing for a job, negotiating a raise or pitching a business idea to potential investors, speaking up for ourselves or someone else, we all face daunting moments that must be met with poise if we want to feel good about ourselves and make progress.

In so many situations, we walk away from an important event feeling like we didn’t leave everything on the table.

But WHY? Why didn’t we give it our all?

We probably were worrying what others would think of us, we already read their minds, we felt powerless (and consented to acting that way), we cling to the outcome (and attribute too much importance to the outcome instead of the process).

The worries mix into a cocktail of self-defeat. We get in our own heads and therefore don’t deliver to our fullest – we often think of what we SHOULD have done later. 

The presence you need to persuade a room full of investors to fund your project is the same as the presence you need to convince yourself that it’s OK to speak up in a meeting, ask for a better salary or demand more respectful treatment. Fortunately, the main ingredient for the presence we’re looking for is in developing personal power.  

Whenever we need to push through the comfort zone in such critical moments, we can focus on two things: the benefits of the action, or the costs of the action. We focus on the benefits, we’re likely to push through and do it anyway, if we focus on the costs, we’re likely to be stopped in our tracks. It is power that makes us approach and powerlessness makes us avoid. personal power is the freedom from dominance of others. Unless we feel personally powerful, we cannot achieve presence.

Power can incite action. In the absence of power, we look for permissions of someone with authority to act. The decisiveness of power is rooted in knowing that we will always have access to the resources we need. That sparks in us a feeling of control. This kind of power become self-reinforcing – the thinking, communication and action we process from it can only enhance it. Power can make our actions more effective. Power particularly affects performance when the pressure’s on, providing a lift in high-stakes situations. Powerlessness does the opposite, deflating performance when the stakes are high.

Power doesn’t just expand our minds; it also expands our bodies. Expansive, open body language is closely tied to dominance across the animal kingdom (including humans), but also in primates, dogs, cats, snakes, fish and birds. When we feel powerful, we make ourselves bigger.

Whether temporary or stable, benevolent or sinister, status and power are expressed through nonverbal displays.

Power in the Body

Widespread limbs, enlargement of occupied space, erect posture. When we feel powerful we stretch out. We lift our chins, and pull our shoulders back, we puff our chest, spread the feet apart and raise the arms

Imagine you just won a race – what do you do? This signals triumph, victory and pride

Power in the Voice

Just as our bodies expand and take up physical space when we feel powerful, our voices grow. Powerful people initiate speech more often, talk more overall and make more eye contact when they’re speaking than powerless people do. Powerful people speak more slowly and take more time, we don’t rush, we’re not afraid to pause and feel entitled to the time we’re using. being interrupted by others – in speaking slowly, one indicated power and presence by showing that they don’t fear interruption. Powerful people speak slowly, increasing the chances that they have of being clearly heard or understood. 

The flip side, of course, is that powerlessness doesn’t just constrain our thoughts, feelings and actions – it also shrinks our bodies. Low ranking chimpanzees slouch, pull their knees in and wrap their arms around their legs and torsos… almost as if they’re trying to become invisible. Submissive dogs put their tails between their legs, lower their bodies and flatten and pull the ears back – indicating absolute surrender. Humans cover their faces. People who had their hands on their faces were seen as less powerful and more distressed, embarrassed and shocked than those with uncovered faces. Touching the face amplifies these impressions.

The most profound element of Amy’s research is that power and body language or voice are a two way causal relationship. By simply posturing up, we can make ourselves feel and take advantage of the feelings of power and benefits of Presence. 

FEELING: Expanding your body language – through posture, movement and speech – makes you feel more confident and powerful, less anxious and self-absorbed, and generally more powerful.

THINKING: Expanding your body language causes you to think about yourself in a positive light and trust in that self-concept. It also clears your head, making space for creativity, cognitive persistence, and abstract thinking. People sitting in upright position find it easier to think positive empowering thoughts about themselves and believed more strongly in their own positive traits.

BODY: Expanding your body physiologically prepares you to be present – it overrides your instinct to fight or flee, allowing you to be grounded, open and engaged

When you carry yourself with pride and personal power, you are able to be present in your most challenging moments. How you carry your body shapes how you carry out your life. Your body shapes your mind, your mind shapes your behavior, and your behavior shapes your future. Let your body tell you that you are powerful and deserving, and you become more present, enthusiastic, and authentically yourself.

So Starfish up!