Mate – by Tucker Max and Geoffrey Miller

‘Become The Man Women Want’

Mate – by Tucker Max and Geoffrey Miller

Sorry ladies, this one is probably more for the blokes. Unlike the book we did ‘The Game’ which involved manipulation and mind games, this is more about becoming a good bloke that women are naturally attracted to. It’s about improving yourself in all areas of your life, like your physical health, mental health, willpower and intelligence, and then indirectly signalling to women that you’re an effective man that will be a good partner. The book goes through the 5-step plan to help you achieve your mating goals.

Grab a copy of the book here:


Here is a dot point summary of the book!


Become the man women want


  • You have been fed a bunch of bullshit from your culture


5 Principles of Mating Success


  1. Make decisions with science
  2. Account for the woman’s perspective
  3. Own your attractiveness
  4. Be honest with yourself and others
  5. Play to win
  • Don’t think like your fighting for victory


5 Step Process

  1. Get your head straight
  2. Develop attractive traits
  3. Display attractive proofs
  4. Go where the woman are
  5. Take action



Step 1 : Get your head straight


Ch 1 – Build Self Confidence

  • Confidence is the realistic expectation you have of being successful at something given (a) your competence at it and (b)
  • Evolution forced us to develop confidence levels that accurately track our competencies
  • In any domain you have to go through the valley of low confidence to get through to high confidence
  • Woman can tell if you have had no sex in the last year. Woman can see your late night google search history in your eyes
  • Woman choose to tend men who have been chosen by other woman


Push through low confidence and depression with a growth mindset


Chapter 2 – Understand what its like to be a woman

  • When a man interacts with a woman, he’s greatest fear is sexual rejection and humiliation. This causes him to spend time on defensive strategies to protect against rejection
  • Woman are afraid of being physically harmed or sexually assaulted
  • Mating success requires cross sex insight



  • You have to subjectify them, understand and acknowledge their subjective consciousness
  • Worst thing you can do is think of her as a 8 or 9
  • You are reducing her to a cash dispenser



  • Pretend you are a young inexperienced gay man
  • Your single, its Friday night after a long week and you decided to go and have fun, you go to a gay bar
  • You walk in and encounter a sea of men, NBA stars and NFL linebackers, and as sexually aggressive as a felon on his first night out of jail
  • They are bigger, stronger, faster and hornier than you
  • Their heads all swivel towards you, and their eyes look at you like sexual terminators
  • There is strength in numbers so your friends gather together


Her thoughts

  • If she doesn’t want to go home, your question shouldn’t be ‘Why doesn’t she want to have sex with me”
  • It should be “Why would she ever put herself in such a vulnerable position”


What she is used to 

  • Her experience is that the worst guys come straight at her while the best guys are nowhere to be seen


She is worried about her social status

  • If your in a competitive mating market, and you are one of the limited desirable attractive males that woman want, woman will compete against each other to keep those males through any tactics
  • Seduction, manipulation, violence


  • She is worried about slut shaming
  • Will friends from work find out about this
  • Don’t try and get her away from her friends, get her number so she can reach you later in private
  • She is worried about pregnancy , abandonment, and stds
  • She has sexual fantasies just like you, but cops shit for hers



Practice perspective taking

  • What is something unique in her life and central to her identify?
  • What does she think of the guys in here?
  • Why did she choose to wear that?



Chapter 3 – Clarify your mating goals

Short term relationships

  • Fun, spicy, no sacrifice
  • Less filling, hard, stranger danger, reputation damage



  • More sex more often, low cost of acquisition, more fulfilling
  • Sleepy sex, emotional complications



  • Emotion satisfying, great sex, dirty deeds done cheap
  • No more novelty, emotional risk, groundhog day


Step 2 : Develop attractive traits

Develop Attractive Traits


Ch 4 Understand what women want and why

  • Woman’s fav words are not “I love you” or “I am sorry”
  • They are “Don’t worry honey, I’ve got this”


They want

  1. Ability for you to be effective at life
  2. Willingness to use those effective traits to do effective things and supply females the benefits for reproductive success


Domains – health, family, friends, work, play,


3 Domains of Effectiveness

  1. Does he carry good genes?
  2. Will he be a good partner?
  3. Would he make a good dad


Chapter 5 – Get in shape

  • You want to be a mix of Rick James and Jesse


  1. Sleep more
  2. Eat better
  3. Exercise smarter


Chapter 6 – Get happy

  1. Get sleep
  2. Eat better
  3. Exercise more
  4. More sunshine
  5. Do spontaneous things
  6. Do mindfulness meditation



  • Be playful
  • Be open
  • Be resilient and adaptable


Chapter 7 – Smarten up

A BBC study of 120,000 people asked most attractive traits in a long term mate

  1. Intelligence
  2. Humor
  3. Honesty



What is your story?

Have a funny, engaging short narrative about who you are, where you are from, where you are going


Chapter8 – Get your life together

The willpower trait

  • Your perseverance to pursue long term goals


Display your willpower

  • General cleanliness, apartment , furniture,


Chapter 9 – the tender defender


  1. Woman do not want the nice guy, the cowardly door mat that no one respects
  2. They don’t want the asshole raging douche that everyone loathes
  • Woman don’t want either extreme


  • Be the tender defender combination
  1. Learn to take care of animals
  2. Learn to take care of young children
  3. Learn to mentor young people


Why Woman care about assertiveness

  • Protectiveness, decisiveness, and formidability


Step 3 Display attractive proofs


Chapter 10 show them what your working with

  • Posture
  • Clothing
  • Grooming and smell


Chapter 11 power of popularity and prestige

  • Woman judge your fuckability by your social network
  • Woman evolved not to be gold diggers, but status diggers
  • It is prestigious men not dominant men who achieved higher reproductive success in tribal societies
  • Hang out with woman


Chapter 12 – how rich do you need to be?

  • Woman would rather be with the guy who built a 7.5 million$ company  by himself than the one who won 75 million dollar powerball
  • They cared to evolve for resources



  • Spend money on experiences and not possessions and your attractiveness will go through the roof


Chapter 13 – styling and profiling

  • Aesthetic proof doesn’t make you a pussy, it drowns you in it
  1. Learn to dance
  2. Learn to make music
  3. Learn to make stuff
  4. Learn to draw
  5. Learn to be a better story teller


  • Feet , grooming, skin, mouth and breath


Chapter 14 – Show her how you feel


Broadcasting vs narrow casting

  • Narrow casting shows romantic proof, your willing to take the time, energy attention to prioritize her
  • Tell truth about your intentions
  • Give gifts that require though


Go public

  • Just ask the girls Tucker fucked in law school and then hustled out the door under the cover of darkness before room mates could see


Step 4 go where the woman are at


  • Chapter 15 find the right mating markets
  • Chapter 16 beggars must be choosers


Step 5 Take action


Chapter 18 talking to woman

  • Ask questions and listen empathetically
  • Gauge and respond to feedback
  • Don’t get too excited
  • Connect with vulnerability


Chapter 19 dating woman


Chapter 20 – having sex

  • Mutual attraction is the best thing to increase sexual satisfaction


  • Penis size

Penis size matters

Average is 5 inches

About 20% have greater than 6 inches

3% have it longer than 8 inches

1/5000 men have it greater than 12 inches



Chapter 21 – Create your mating plan and go forth

  1. Clarify your goal
  2. Highlight your traits
  3. Mating market
  4. Start small, get wins and build on them
  5. Focus on fun
  6. Try learn repeat




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